


On The Pretense of Workplace Conduct

by misthios_and_more



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron Weasley, Black Hermione Granger, Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings, F/F, F/M, Hermione Granger is So Done, Hermione Granger needs a vacation, Himbo Harry Potter, Is anyone straight? Probably not, Latino Harry Potter, M/M, Minister for Magic Hermione Granger, Multi, Oblivious Harry Potter, Parselmouth Harry Potter, Parseltongue, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Tags Are Hard, more tags may appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26219017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misthios_and_more/pseuds/misthios_and_more
Summary: Harry Potter was fine.Yes, he hadn’t slept in three days. Yes, he’d only been ingesting ramen for a week. Yes, he may have skipped out on showering for five days but— it had rained the other day anyway, so who needs a shower? So what if he’s sick with a fever of forty degrees celsius, he could stick to his office work. Did it really matter that upon taking two steps out of his office, he fainted?Harry Potter was not fine.Draco Malfoy was not fine, either. but it didn’t take him fainting to realize it.—in which an disheveled Auror Harry gets sent to teach at Hogwarts as a punishment for overworking, and is paired up with another teacher to watch over his health. Of all the people to be paired with, did it have to be Draco Malfoy?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Past Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 0 - The Fool

**Author's Note:**

> hiya! this is my first fic on ao3 so please excuse my gross formatting. criticism is more than welcome. enjoy!

_Harry Potter was fine._

_Yes_ , he hadn’t slept in three days. _Yes_ , he’d only been ingesting ramen for a week. _Yes_ , he may have skipped out on showering for five days but— it had rained the other day anyway, so who needs a shower? So what if he’s sick with a fever of forty degrees celsius, he could stick to his office work. Did it really matter that upon taking two steps out of his office, he fainted?

_Harry Potter was not fine._

Draco Malfoy was not fine, either. but it didn’t take him fainting to realize it.

—

Draco knew that typically, teaching children was exhausting. What he also knew was that skipping meals in favor of grading papers wasn’t healthy. today, in particular, he only had a group of second-year Ravenclaws and Gryffindors at 5 in the evening. he decided to give himself somewhat of a break. he took it upon himself to sleep in. he woke at eleven in the morning, ate, showered, and continued to grade papers and projects until class time.

He'd bumped into Longbottom on the way, who chatted his ear off about some incident with the 4th years in his herbology class. Draco pretended to listen, smiling and nodding politely as he slowly backed away. eventually, he supposes, Longbottom got the hint and let him be. Draco broke out into a speed-walk, embarrassed at the thought that he might be late to his own class. Fortunately for him, students were still filling the room. He turned to the board, looking away to scribble down some points for the lesson. He turns around, hoping to see the excited faces of his students. Instead, he is met with the sight of two Gryffindor students launching paper balls across the classroom. Draco sighs, this is going to be a _long_ day.

—

Harry, after fainting, had awoken in a haze. everything was fuzzy, and nothing was clear. well, nothing except Hermione’s (very angry, mind you) face frowning down at him. Ron stood beside her, sharing a similar look.

“you’ve been skipping meals again, haven’t you!?” Hermione huffed angrily. Harry did his best to sit up, only to realize he was on the floor of Hermione’s office. Ron gave an empathetic sigh and helped Harry get up. Harry was then propped up on a leather sofa at the back of Hermione’s office. “You know, if you would bother to remember to eat, you wouldn’t have to deal with it.” By ‘it’, Ron meant the classic ‘you’re an absolute idiot’ look from Hermione. Harry shrugged it off, and looked to Hermione “How long was I out for?” he asked. Hermione fixed him with a look. well that couldn’t be good. “4 hours” she puffed out. “hey, that was less than last time!” Harry noted, but instantly regretted it when Ron elbowed him in the side.

“Harry,” Hermione sighed, “you can’t keep doing this. I know you’re committed to your work, but this—“ she gestured in Harry’s general direction “—is pushing it.” Harry opened his mouth to speak, but was elbowed again. “As your superior, I’m assigning you a new post. One where you’ll be monitored 24/7 by your peers.” Both Ron and Harry looked appalled. “Y-you…are you,” Ron kept pausing, “are you going to put him in a loony bin?!” Ron nearly shouted, earning him an annoyed look from Hermione and worried agreement from Harry. “A loony—no! of course not” Harry visibly relaxed at this.

“I’m sending him to take a position at Hogwarts for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, seeing as the current one is headed for maternity leave.” Harry nearly fainted again. Ron was speechless. Hermione passed a stack of paper to him. “It’s all sorted out already. You’ll be headed there in a month.” Harry’s mind went fuzzy again. “I-I don’t...I don’t know how to teach! I’m barely capable of taking care of myself! How am I supposed to take care of other living beings!?” “they’re called children, Harry. tough luck, but you need this. It’s only for a year, take it.” Harry sighed, this was going to be a _long_ year.


	2. 01 - The Magician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes back to Hogwarts to prepare for his new teaching position. He also gains a fun new roommate.

Harry looked up at the castle towering over him, he felt as if he was eleven years old again. He was almost giddy to be back, but then remembered why he was here. ‘ah yes, time to teach teenagers who want absolutely nothing to do with me’ he thought to himself. To add on to that, he was going to essentially be watched 24/7. Harry felt his insides turn in discomfort. He sighed, and shrugged it off and stepped into the building for the first time since the war.

  
  


A cool breeze welcomed him into the castle. A shiver made its way up to Harry’s spine as he fumbled with his jacket, trying to keep in whatever remaining body heat he had left. Though admittedly it wasn’t much help, most of his clothing was more functional for aesthetic reasons. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was supposed to be at the moment, so he decided to walk around the castle. Eventually, he ended up in the courtyard, which was somehow warmer than the inside of the castle. Harry huffed in frustration. This whole idea reeked of failure. Harry wasn’t sure why Hermoine thought that sending him off to teach children would help him ‘relax’ in any way. 

Breaking him out of his self-pitying trance was a small voice. **_“magician.”_** Harry looked around. **“** ** _down here!”_** Harry looked down. It was a snake. **“** ** _hello.”_** _“absolutely not.”_ Harry got up to leave. He did not have the mental capacity to deal with snake bullshit on top of the heaping pile of garbage that he was already buried in. **_“please do not go, i only have a small request.”_** Though he knew better, Harry stayed to listen. **“** ** _it’s a simple task, could you just pick me up and place me on that branch?”_** the snake spoke _._ Harry could only sigh at himself as he picked up the snake to move it to a nearby tree. It was only then when Harry took the time to look at the snake. It was iridescent, the light caught onto the scales at different moments and created a rainbow ripple across its body. It was quite large, or at least larger than it originally looked to be. **“** ** _why are you staring, magician?”_** _“you’re very pretty.”_ Harry then took a moment to realize that he just said that to a snake. 

Snakes can’t laugh, but if they could, this one would be laughing now. **_“you are strange. but i suppose it can’t be helped, i am well aware of my beauty.”_** How wonderful, apparently this snake had an ego that Harry just unknowingly inflated. Carefully, the man placed the snake onto the branch, watching it coil around it protectively. _“You don’t look like you’re from this...climate I suppose. Where did you come from?”_ the snake simply sniffed the air and supplied him with the answer of **“** ** _I don’t remember”_** _“well, what type of snake are you?”_ The snake paused for a moment, then spoke up again **“** ** _I believe your name for my species is the White Lipped Python.”_** Harry let the information sink in for a second then asked, _“those aren’t native to this area, are you sure you can’t remember how you got here?”_ The snake shook its head **‘no’**. _“how long have you been out here”_ ** _“quite long enough, i’m rather tired.”_** Normally, Harry would have left the snake alone to rest, but the finality of the statement unsettled him. _“are you going to die?”_ It was a stupid question, but Harry asked anyway. **_“yes. and soon, probably. I just wanted to be comfortable beforehand. thank you.”_**

This didn’t sit right with Harry at all. _“What if you stayed with me? In the castle. I could feed you and take care of you.”_ The snake perked up at that, **“** ** _you would do that?”_** Harry nodded. The snake uncoiled itself from the branch and seemed to reach out to him. Harry stuck out his arm and let the snake find a new spot to coil around. The snake decided it preferred to slink itself around his neck. It was quite comforting. the snake asked. “ _no, not at all.”_ Harry then laughed a bit, “ _you’re very polite for a snake. Oh uh, no offense_.” The snake simply sniffed the air once again. **“** ** _none taken.”_** Harry halted. “ _Here I am talking about manners when I never asked your name. Do you have a name?_ ” The snake nodded. **_“Isa.”_**

Harry began his trek to nowhere once again, making light conversation with his new…‘roommate?’. They were so deep into conversation that neither of them noticed (a rather frightened) Neville Longbottom. “Uh, Harry? Is that you?” Harry snapped his head away from the snake. “Oh, Neville! It’s been quite a bit since we’ve talked.” Neville just stared at him. “So yeah, I’m the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. It makes me feel pretty ancient” Harry laughed. Neville stared. “Uh, so...how’ve you been doing? I mean, I’ve heard you were pretty well off from Hermoine. Can’t imagine that you’d be a professor—not that I think you’d be bad or anything! It’s just weird to the—“ “Harry.” “Yes?” “There’s a snake around your neck.” “Oh yeah. I found him— _ him? _ ”  **_“her”_ ** “Right sorry, I found her in the courtyard. She’s rather pleasant”  **“** **_thank you.”_ ** _ “you’re welcome” _ . Neville’s hands flew up in exasperation and walked away.


End file.
